If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
What a dumb baby whore.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
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