I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Randomize
