my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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