I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
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