I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Randomize
