Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
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