remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
operation harelip BJ is a go
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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