he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Randomize
