just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
