Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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