I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
we're making bets on your personal life
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
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