I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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