even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
