why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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