There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Sorry about my life...
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Randomize
