3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
