I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
