Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
