He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
