I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
