You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
