before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Randomize
