You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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