You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
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