Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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