My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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