WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
