Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
