I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
They took my balls.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
