Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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