the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
