i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
