I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
