I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
You can't just leave with hair like that
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
