i need an iv and a liver transplant
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
just tell him i said nine months
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
