Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
I need to stop coming to work sober
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
