By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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