Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
