Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
