if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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