all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
