There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Randomize
