I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
