Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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