Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Randomize
