she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Betty ford says i'm here all night
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
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