Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
PS: I just woke up from my shower
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Randomize
