the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
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