somebody snuck up and got me drunk
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
you had me at cake vodka
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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