I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
