And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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