we should wear snuggies to the strip club
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
