I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize