The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
It's shark week go big or go home
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Randomize
