Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
no more duck duck goose at the bar
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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