I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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