I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I have demons in me.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I don't deserve a penis
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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