You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
