dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
