I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
