please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
There r osticjed everywhere
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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