Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
