Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
