After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Randomize
