He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Randomize
