Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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