Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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