You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
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