I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Randomize
