i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Randomize
