So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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